im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
