white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
