why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
false alarm. still invincible.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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