dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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