..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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