Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
