She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
