If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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