Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
