i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
