omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
