Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
