He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
