I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
