I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just had sex on a roof
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
