News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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