but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
