i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
