Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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