Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
