i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
