you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need a beard to bite.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
