There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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