I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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