I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
