He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
