I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
