I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
