didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
