My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
