She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
that may or may not have been my penis.
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