I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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