my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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