but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
