and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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