I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
