Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
time to smoke my breakfast
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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