There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
