ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
