its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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