I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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