I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
