Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
