we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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