ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
