Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
