she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You're like the curious george of whores
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
