So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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