I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
