it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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