Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So. Much. Porn.
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