your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
