he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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